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I was looking forward to this week's Nessa's prompt, The Invisible Man. I had a few ideas I wished to pursue but nothing ever came out. The elusive Invisible Man refused to reveal himself and remained invisible to me.
Then I felt an urge to write something I didn't really want to write which somewhat fit the theme. It is not fiction although I allowed myself a little bit of creative freedom.
He was firmly nestled in my life and then, one day, he wasn't. I knew it would happen at some point - he'd told me so himself - but not so soon, not like that. He didn't just gradually dissolve into oblivion as I quietly hoped would happen some time in the distant future. No, he had to go with a bang, never looking back as he left behind a body with the chest ripped open, the heart torn out; a tangled mess of emotions lying bleeding in the middle of the debris of a shattered relationship.
Since then I ceased to exist for him (I almost ceased to exist, period). I doubt he would as much as flinch if told I was no longer alive. And part of me did die that day. What exactly had happened and why remains a mystery to me. I wish I could understand but I doubt I will ever find out about the true reason. The fact is, he’s gone, disappeared from my life, become forever invisible. On the physical level, that is. And yet, how could I ever forget the laughter, the silliness, the views on life the universe and everything that we shared so freely. How could I forget his empathy, his kindness, his willingness to accompany me on my journeys into the deepest realms of my psyche, to stand by my side as I faced some of my demons and exorcised them, as I made progress… ever so slowly but progress nonetheless. I’ve lost much ground since he’s gone.
We were friends. As simple as that. Nothing physical or romantic about it. We were but transient companions on our journeys through life. Yet the love that I felt… still feel… for him transcends the realms of the physical. He will always remain my invisible companion. Along with the memories of the fleeting joy. And the infinite sorrow…
10 comments:
This story makes me so sad, but I know not even half as sad as it makes you. Closure would help, but you were left with a bleeding wound.
I think that we all have an invisible person inside us that we carry with throughout out lives. But, and not wanting to sound like a broken record, we move on and we have to move on. It's the only healthy thing to do. Life is way way way to short to dwell on something that isn't. I know it is hard to do so but life offers so many exciting new adventures, loves, friends and possibilities that it can be over whelming. It is out there for your my dear sweet friend, and yes even the weather will hopefully get better for you, it's just a matter if you want to move on and enjoy the life you so richly deserve :) xoxoxo
Well written :)
An excellent depiction of loss and that empty space. Well done.
Tuesday Tales is up now. I hope you'll post there.
My Tuesday Tale
Progress starts with awareness...and then goes one step at a time.
quilly - yes, and part of me wants to close down but i don't think it's time yet. understanding the motives would help a great deal but i doubt i'll ever be able to obtain that missing part of the puzzle... and that is the most painful part... however, since i wrote this, i can't stop weeping. i'm not sure whether this is a good thing or not (i'll take it as good) but i know it's embarrassing :)
thom - i agree, but i also think forcing the process can do more damage than good in the long run. one has to be ready to move on. and i need to go full circle however long it takes, even at the risk of not completing it in this lifetime.
grandma - i appreciate this, thank you.
i signed in :)
christopher - indeed, and sometimes one has to go a few steps backwards before being able to continue
Juliana,
Thank you for the kind words! Your ToT is so eloquent and moving! Letting your emotions guide your work and healing with a lot of, hm, prayer and meditation; guidance and care; CALL PEOPLE(your friend, they love you too)~call them, or go visit your friend; take good good care of yourself! You are an amazing person and your heart has a stong love that will re-align and you need to start by really being aware of that! You can direct what you are going through to help others and it will help you too! It’s what you did right here! Your story, it’s intros were so COOL, very innovative and it will help others. I am going to share it with some of the teens from my daughter’s friends that have these kinds of issues, it will be of great solace and counsel for them, again, thank you! I look forward to more of you work! You can use your experience on so many levels for your writing and, as I said, for others!
Again, thank you for your lovely expressions! Your story is a part of life worth expressing! Well done!
With Love and Adoration,
Allison
"Let God's promises shine on your problems."
Corrie Ten Boom
Oops, I meant friends where it says friend.
allison - i was moved by your comment and appreciate your compassionate comment. helping each other getting through hard times is one of the great things about blogging. thank you :)
I agree with you but I hope it doesn't take a life time for your to complete that circle. Maybe and I'm just saying it could be a comfort zone for you to stay there. I truly hope not. You have so much to offer. :)
so do i, my friend, so do i. and i have no intention of dwelling on misery forever. i'm basically fine (as much as i'm ever likely to be) but i need to be sure i'm ready to move on before i take the plunge :)
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