Warning: contains expletives - not for the faint of heart!
Grrrrr... why does it always have to rain on weekends?! And why does bad news always come with the rain? I'm fucking sick of the bad news!!!!! And this time it's about my partner's sister - she broke her hip a couple of days ago and is awaiting surgery. And she lives in Serbia so a visit is out of the question. Damn, as if there wasn't enough shit hitting the fan already!!!
And if that's not enough, I go and read a mushy book about a woman diagnosed with terminal cancer. It was actually a good read, written with enough humour and gentle cynicism to make the situation bearable but still... not exactly uplifting. Damn!
And whoever says time heals all wounds is a fucking lyer. All the pain is still there and if anything it is getting more profound, more absorbing. I must keep my mind occupied with all kinds of profane things to prevent it wandering. Because each time I let it wander it ends up in the same wretched place filled with nothing but grief and regrets... and how does one prevent an inquisitive mind from wandering?!
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4 comments:
Atta girl vent and let it out. Time does heal. It NEVER seems like it will but it does. Been there and done that two times in my life. And if you want to call me a fucking liar go right ahead...it might make you feel a lot better. Positive thoughts. That's what got me through and to this day I still believe that :)
#1 -- venting does help.
#2 -- are you aware of the stages of grief? Are you processing your grief or avoiding it?
#3 -- do you have access to a counselor (paid or just a friend) that you can trust?
i'm sorry, i didn't mean to offend anyone, especially not you, my friends... but hell, i'm sick of the lemons life keeps throwing at me lately... even C vitamine overdose is not a good thing
and yes, i'm aware of the stages of grief and hell, no, i'm not trying to supress anything. but i have things to do, things to be and i can't allow myself to dwell in sorrow for indefinite time even though i feel like weeping much of the time. as for counselling... for some reason i have a natural distrust of professionals... i'm aware they are not all worthless but i haven't heard of one person saying they really helped. i do not want to end up getting stuffed with antidepressants when i am not depressed, just grieving. people i know would not understand except maybe one or two and i'm not in touch with these as much as i would like to be to be able to open up. the only person i could trust unreservedly - or thought i could - is the main reason for all this mess...
No need to apologize my friend whatsoever. You are making a right step saying you can't allow myself to dwell in sorrow for indefinite time. That's a big first step. We are here for you anytime you need you know that. I personally don't like therapists either. But everyone I've talked to says they do help as you must answer your own questions and they get you there sooner or later. It's not a matter of trusting them, but yourself :) Keep strong :)
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