What fun!

So I went out bowling the other evening. As soon as I entered the object, a blast of noise assaulted my ears. It took me a few moments to realise the music had been set on full volume, which would make any attempt at coherent communication quite impossible. If it hadn't been for my partners, I would have fled immediately. The whole place was dimly lit but the alleys were illuminated by a fluorescent light.

I am told the noise (which is supposed to be music) and the lighting is called Cosmo Bowling. Phew, certainly not a setting I would chose for an activity which demands concentration and precision.

Anyway, I get my shoes, put them on and pick a ball that will suit me - the weight, the holes and all. We start the first game. Nothing I do works; the pins just keep standing as if mocking me and my feeble attempts. The rest of the gang feels much the same. Obviously, some measures must be taken and we agree we need a giraffe to make our game more fluent. Not the long-necked long-legged specimen of the African fauna, of course - I don't suppose it can bowl anyway - but a long cylindrical container filled with beer with a faucet at the bottom so each can pour the drink for themselves.

By the time we're on for game two, much of the liquid has been relocated, the noise has turned into music and the pins begin to behave themselves. We apply a new tactic and order some chips and dips so the giraffe doesn't feel too lonely. The game assumes a new quality which shows on the scoreboard. Yay!

Game three and our supplies are running low. The music becomes quite agreeable, though, and the fluidity of the game is retained. But we get new neighbours in the adjacent alley, a bunch of rather drunk inconsiderate ape descendants thinking the whole place belongs to them. A couple of them keep reaching for MY ball but I don't mind as long as it's available when I'm on. And my game goes well. UNTIL... I want to pick my ball but it's not there. Another one, similar, is, but it's definitely not mine. The holes don't fit. I look around. No ball. I'm furious and want to bite the balls off the bastard who ruined my game by stealing it from me. But I'm not sure who it was, and what's the point arguing with drunks anyway. I rather retain what dignity I have left and play the game to the end. But it wasn't my ball and the momentum has gone so I just finish the game and walk off.

I've lost all interest in bowling 'for fun'. Pft!